The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: 
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." 

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." 
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." 

"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr 

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." 
- Winston Churchill 

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many
obituaries with great pleasure." 
- Clarence Darrow 

"He has never been known to use a word that might
 send a reader to the dictionary." 
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book;
I'll waste no time reading it." 
- Moses Hadas 

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." 
- Mark Twain 

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends…" 
- Oscar Wilde 

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;
bring a friend…if you have one." 
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill 

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." 
- Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." 
- Stephen Bishop 

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." 
- John Bright 

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." 
- Irvin S. Cobb 

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson 

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." 
- Paul Keating 

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." 
- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker 

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" 
- Mark Twain 

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
 - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." 
- Oscar Wilde 

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...
for support rather than illumination." 
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912) 

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." 
- Billy Wilder 

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it." 
- Groucho Marx